Bald Is Beautiful (original version)

BALD IS BEAUTIFUL; BALD IS GREAT

BALD IS HAVING A NICE CLEAN PATE.

BALD IS WONDERFUL; BALD IS FUN.

IT'S THE SHEEN OF A BEAN IN THE SUN.

BALD IS DIGNIFIED AND REFINED,

LIKE THE SKIN ON AN INFANT'S BEHIND.

BALD IS FABULOUS AND I MUST CONFESS

I WOULD SHARE

AN AFFAIR WITH A MAN WITH NO HAIR.

TEEN-AGE FEMININE TAILS MAY WAG

AT THE SIGHT OF A SHAGGY STAG.

TONGUES WILL SURELY DROP TO THE FLOOR

AT THE FLICK OF HIS THICK POMPADOUR

IF HIS NOODLE'S GOT LOTS OF CURLS

SAVE THAT POODLE FOR SOME LITTLE GIRLS

BUT IF HIS PEAK IS SLEEK AND IS, SO TO SPEAK,

FREE OF FRIZZ,

IF HE'S BALD, I'M ENTHRALLED AND I'M HIS.

Here they come. Here they come.

Glowing, beaming, shining in the sun.

Don Rickles, Louis Armstrong, etc.

I could get careless

with a man who's hairless.

If his cerebellum's slick,

I'll hotel'im pretty quick.

A nice clean cranium:

more precious than uranium.

If I see his noggin's nude

I will surely come unglued.

Take me home,

chrome-dome!

SO IF YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL CUZ YOU'RE BALD

AND YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR ASHES HAULED,

ONCE YOU THROW AWAY YOUR TOUPEE

THEY'LL COMPETE FOR SOME HEAT IN THE HAY.

ONCE YOU'VE LOST THOSE RINGLE-ETS

THEY'LL SAY, "BABY, SINCE YOU'RE SINGLE, LET'S"

AND WHEN THEY'RE FINALLY THROUGH

YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN MAULED.

IT'S THE BEST

YOU ARE BLESSED

WHEN YOU'RE BALD.